この勉強、学びをすることによって、完璧な自分になることを知らず知らずのうちに求めていました。

それは高い精神性を持ち、いつでも穏やかで、誰にでも優しく朗らかに、ポジティブな意見や考え方しかなく、ネガティブな感情は持ち合わせず、強くて、心が広くて寛大で、頭脳明瞭、心は聡明で、清楚で透明感溢れ、誰からも称賛され、愛し愛されるそんな存在。

ここまで書いてきて、流石にそんな人はいないって分かります。

ではなぜそんなありもしない完璧な自分を求めてしまうのか。

そんな完璧な自分であれば、安心出来るとパターンは思っているからなんです。未熟で、弱く、流されやすい、そんな自分を忌み嫌い、責めることで、そんな自責の苦しさから解放させてくれる存在を、パターンは求めているんです。

でも前述のとおり、そんな人はいない。

であれば、そんな完璧ではない未熟な自分を許していくことから始めるしかないんだという思いに至りました。

あらゆるパターンを許した先にきっと何かあるんだろう。

気付いたところから少しづつでいい、もっと自分を許していこうと。

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